you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i think i scared a bird with my dick
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
