i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
