Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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