We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize