But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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