I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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