I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
honey bunches of taint.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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