Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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