Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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