Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
