Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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