I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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