Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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