Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
