i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
