shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
