After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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