Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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