Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
