Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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