girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
