Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
