I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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