is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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