LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize