So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
