I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
