I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
