I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
