i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
