He asked to "fluff my boner.."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
