you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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