You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
