Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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