my soul wont recognize me after tonight
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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