I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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