between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
