I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
