Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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