I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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