I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I know her cup size but not her name....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize