is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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