I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
