i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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