with your own penis?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
