I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
