p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
