Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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