Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
