I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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