Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
