The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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