your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We talked him into tasing himself.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Randomize
