i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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