Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
