He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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