Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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