If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
