I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
