Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
