At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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