she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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