oh god the rape fog is back!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize