Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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