She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
