Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
