When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
