totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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