Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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