Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
