I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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