I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
