just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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