she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
